


black coffee & mint toothpaste

by trinsolo



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banter, Drabble, F/M, Post-Season/Series 02, Reader-Insert, The Umbrella Academy (TV) Season 2 Spoilers, telepathic reader, they're both like 20 here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26141005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinsolo/pseuds/trinsolo
Summary: all he'd wanted was a decent cup of coffee, and instead he found you. you aren't what he asked for, but maybe you're what he needs- not that he'd ever admit it.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Reader, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy)/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 201
Collections: Angry teen is soft for s/o





	black coffee & mint toothpaste

**Author's Note:**

> canon-divergent AU where the events of seasons 1 & 2 have been miraculously resolved. reader + five also appear the same age (early twenties).

"I could take you down, you know. Easily."

Five leaned forward in the plush sofa of the living room, his gaze unwavering. 

"Please. I don't think it'd be that easy. At least, not anymore," you sniffed, fighting the urge to avert his glare, "I've gotten better."

Five narrowed his eyes, though you couldn't tell it was from amusement or annoyance. The latter was more likely.

"I won't exactly deny that," he replied, raising his mug to his lips. "But you wouldn't have improved if not for me."

You rolled your eyes, watching him take a smug sip of the mug's contents.

"But you admit I've improved. I'll take it."

Five raised his eyebrows. 

"Sure. As much as anyone could improve in six months," he replied coolly.

You scoffed, leaning your elbow onto the armrest of your seat. 

"I think I should look for a nicer combat teacher. Diego would do it, if I asked."

Five's mug hit the coffee table with a sudden  thud, his jaw suddenly tensed.

"I'm  _plenty_ nice."

"Maybe I'll go ask him right now."

"And  _maybe_ I should've left you in that disgusting café before I knew what kind of trouble I was getting into."

You grinned mischievously. 

"You wouldn't have just left me there. I checked," you teased, leaning to tap Five's reddening forehead.

It was always fun seeing him unnerved, and you had figured out all the ways to push his buttons. There was no doubt he could obliterate you in a fight, but that was no reason not to have fun seeing him get frazzled.

It had been six months since he'd walked into the dingy café you'd been working at. Actually, he hadn't just "walked"- he'd thrown open the door, eyes murderous, and stormed up to the register where you stood. 

"Coffee. Black," he'd said gruffly, and then his eyes met yours.

Maybe it had been a slow day and you were bored, or maybe there was something about his eyes that seemed too old for the rest of his face that drew you in- but you focused, and pried into his thoughts.

You saw so much fire. Blood. A full moon, and then pieces of the moon. An alleyway. The world almost (?) burning, twice.

You saw also people who could do special things. People like you, born on October 1st, 1989.

"The apocalypse," you'd said when you finally came back up.

Five had blinked at you in horror. "What'd you just say?"

"I said coffee, black. I was repeating your order, Five."

His eyes had widened at your accidental use of his name.

Months of questioning, explanations, training, and assimilation later, the Hargreeves siblings now accepted you as Number Eight.

"Accepted," of course, was a relative term when it came to Five; there wasn't a day that went by without you getting on each other's nerves.

"Jesus, Y/N, I told you to stop digging around in there," Five muttered bitterly.

"I don't  _dig_ , not anymore. It's a lot harder to do on you now, anyway," you frowned, leaning back into your seat by the fireplace. 

"Damn right. I've been practicing keeping you out of here," said Five, tapping two fingers to the side of his temple. "There are some things you don't need to know about."

You squinted at him.

"I already know about your days as an assassin. You must be hiding some really gritty shit," you laughed as Five strategically opened his newspaper to avoid dignifying you with a response. 

"Maybe you won't admit you don't hate having me around. You're going soft."

Five's grip on the newspaper tightened abruptly, the paper crunching between his fingers. His eyes peered down at you from above the headlines.

"I'd rather stick my hand into a beehive and an anthill. In that order."

"Oh, sure."

You suddenly leaned forward, bridging the space between you and using one finger to lower the newspaper away from his face.

"Jesus, Y/N, you smell like a Yankee Candle," retorted Five, although some of the chill in his face faltered as you drew closer. "Could you maybe go one whole minute without bothering me?"

You grinned at him, shaking your head.

And then you focused, then pried.

He'd definitely built an impressive wall- a barrier against you and your powers made up of idle thoughts and random words to prevent you from getting to the good stuff. You weren't trying all that much, since you hated using your powers on anyone in the Umbrella Academy, but his defense was impressive. 

Just before you left, you sifted through his word barrier-

_ Vanilla candles. _

_ Chair. _

_ Bicycle. _

_ Close. _

_ Wintermint toothpaste. _

_ Too close. _

_ Coffee. _

_Out_.

**_Get out_. **

By the time you resurfaced, Five was standing, his face flushed and brows knitted.

"Relax. I didn't see anything. Your wall was relatively impressive," you said.

"Good. Do that again and I swear you'll be sorry," he seethed, although you'd gathered from his "idle thoughts" that this threat was empty.

"Yeah, I know," you sighed. Five sank back into his seat, raising his newspaper up again. It was quiet for a moment, until-

"Five?"

" _ What _ ?" 

"You actually might want to keep working on that barrier of yours."

Five turned in his chair, eyebrows raised. 

"Yeah?  Enlighten me."

You allowed your face one more shameless smile before speaking.

"My toothpaste. It's spearmint."

"What the  hell are you talking about?"

"You said wintermint. Good try, though."

Five let out a slow, exasperated breath.

"I'd punch you right now, if only it wouldn't ruin that pretty little face of yours."

Your breath hitched.

"Glad to know we feel the same way."


End file.
